The Gift of Underestimation

This something I think about a lot, this gift of underestimation. The difficulty is realizing that it is in fact a gift. Once you see it for what it is, it sets you free. There is a fine line however. For me it's I feel people underestimate me while I overestimate them. More on that trap later.

Since I was a kid I felt underestimated. Not because I was some athletic super genius who was simply misunderstood. No, quite the contrary. I was an average kid who was over weight and not very athletic in the traditional way of sports. But I possessed a few attributes that a little later in life I came to realize made me at the very least unique.

I was the kid who was picked last for every sport in school. I was the kid who daydreamed rather than did my school work. I was an average student in the usual sense of scholastic mediocrity that was my public school education. And in some cases, below average. And I knew it. In fact, for a long time growing up I had a sneaking suspicion that I was just a weird, not so smart kid.

Eventually I would come to realize that the all things I didn't get picked for, all the teasing and bullying I experienced, though nothing like the bullying today, jesus kids are bigger assholes than ever these days, and all the self doubt I experienced was in fact a gift. Maybe it was all I had to lean to. Maybe it was a survival mechanism. Or just maybe it was a slow simmer pressure cooker that would eventually produce something good or ruin it completely.

Whatever the case may be, it wasn't until I realized that being underestimated initially gave me an out because no one expected me to succeed, and eventually it made me truly realize that the underestimation of others gave me the room and all the motivation I needed to be successful at this or that.

Thats the true gift! Whatever the psychology is of people underestimating others, and for whatever reason, I promise you it is a gift! It allows you the ability to not only succeed, but grow! Underestimation helps you better understand people, better understand yourself, and be a better person. Those gifts alone are worth the price of admission.

First you have to understand where that underestimation comes from. For some it's that they simply don't want to see you succeed because it highlights their shortcomings. For others you may be a threat of some kind. Whether it's their ego, their position, their own lack of self worth, the reasons are endless really. But whatever those reasons are, you have to look at the why, the person, and the situation, and then the most important part, use it as fuel to be a better you! It's been said that living well is the very best revenge and I feel that's true.

There is a trap I mentioned at the beginning of this post that you must look out for. The trap of overestimating others. Often when we meet people, we in fact meet their representative. Meaning that they are putting their best foot forward. You see the polished version. The one you feel you like and appreciate because you feel a since of kinship. If they're going to underestimate you, you'll find out soon enough. It hits hard, some more than others. Don't ever let that jade you. You'll meet a lot of people in your life. Take each one as they come and assess as you go. Assuming the worst is never a solid plan. Trust but verify is certainly a better one. The proverbial cream will always rise to the top.

I've spent a lifetime being underestimated. Things don't come easy to me. Most things anyway. Sure I have a natural affinity for some things, but many I do not! And thats where the most growth, the most power, and the most fun! Putting in the work to be better, to do better, and to excel! Plus an added bonus is it annoys your detractors.

You have to understand that the vast majority of people won't tell you that you exceeded their expectations. They hate that you did. If you're lucky you'll get a begrudging “good job”. But thats when you know you've won. It's a weird thing people do that when you have done well at something, more especially when it's something they do too, that it bothers them. The biggest key here is don't become them. Don't become the underestimating asshole. That is nothing more than you're ego. And that trap is a very real one.

I do have an instance on this. Think back to getting an evaluation at your job. How often is it a glowing report on all the things you did and what you accomplished? I've had supervisors tell me very matter of factly that if we give you high marks on things you have nothing to strive for. Case in point. When I worked for a large metropolitan EMS system in Central Texas we had a yearly evaluation. I had often joked that it was absolutely ridiculous that we did it because it wasn't tied to any financial compensation nor had any bearing on my job performance, other a reference document if you screwed up.

There were three categories you could be scored at. Exceeds expectations, meets expectations, or does not meet expectations. One year I had an especially busy one. I had built an entirely new defensive tactics program for the Department, became a Board of Directors member with the Employee Association, and had at the request of the department taught situational awareness, deescalation, and some defensive tactics to several other City departments, and a few private medical facilities. I also had two Cardiac Saves that year, and had received a few Kudos from patients and family. I still remember sitting down with my then supervisor, a man I like and respect, and before we started I said, “Let me guess, I met expectations!” with a big smile on face. He was a bit perplexed. Well yeah, he said. I wanted to just sign it, as was policy, and be done. There was no need to go over all the criteria because to me it mean't nothing. I did the things I did because I wanted to make things better! To make people safer! And put good in the world! And I knew that no matter what I did with that organization it would not be recognized by admin because thats simply not their management style. I was always told the old faithful, you have to have something to shoot for. I still see that as underestimation.

Underestimation comes in many forms. Sometimes its extremely overt like my high school guidance counselor telling me that I should probably go in the Army, as that was my plan, because I had no chance in college. And that I'd likely end up back home turning a lathe in a furniture factory or some such job. Certainly not that there is anything wrong with that, only that I didn't have the aptitude to do anything else. Those jobs were ubiquitous here in Hickory NC at the time. But by the time he told me that, I already understood the gift of underestimation. To be honest I don't even remember his name. I only knew I was following my passions, my wanderlust, and my taste for adventure.

What I do remember from those days was there were certain teachers who saw through me. Ones who realized my potential and called me on it. They saw my possibilities and they told me so, along with “if you could just learn to apply yourself to things you aren't interested in” like I did with things that fascinated me, I could be successful.

Why read a book for English class when I had all these Army Field Manuals and Technical Manuals, Soldier of Fortune Magazines, and literature like the The Book of Five Rings, The Art of War, and Emerson's Self Reliance to read! Reading The Good Earth wasn't on my to do list. Learning Small Unit Tactics, strategy, and being a warrior, thats what called to my very soul! Adventure was calling me, the ability to survive, and there was so many skillsets and tradecraft I hadn't learned yet! And then there was martial arts. I became obsessed with learning more, understanding fighting in all it's forms. I was on a different path. College would eventually be in my wheelhouse but true to me, in my own way.

I have nearly three hundred college hours and absolutely no degree to show for it. Something else or somewhere else called me and each time I went. Burning up my GI Bill with non resident prices, moving here and there. Searching for the next interesting thing. Things that spoke to my soul. Or in some cases things that added to what I needed. Martial Arts is a great example. I have various ranks and belts in different styles but no Black Belt in anything. Maybe one day. But I never chased degrees or belts or titles. I chase knowledge, experience, and most of all understanding.

When I was thirteen my Mom gave me a copy of Miyamoto Musashi's Book of Five Rings, and I would forever be changed. He wrote, “Once you see The Way in one thing, you see The Way in all things.” He also said, “If you know The Way broadly, you will know it in everything”. Those statements may seem the same but they are not. Seeing and knowing are very different. Seeing is mere observation. Knowing is to take action. These lessons stuck with me. I had a path. Learn and understand the world around me.

Now one could absolutely say I haven't achieved much. I neither rich, nor famous. What I do have is a lifetime of experiences, a few skillsets, and rich history of going my own way, and most importantly, doing it my way. Occasionally to my own detriment. And on those particular instances I chose to spite myself because it was a matter of principle.

I don't have “fuck off” money. But what I do have is my integrity, my principles, and my values. I'm way more independently poor than independently wealthy, but that affords me the ability to speak my mind, and simply be me. Thats a gift unto itself. I'm not beholden to anyone as I worked hard to not be!

Now more than ever it is truly easy to be what you want to be! And now more than ever it's even easier for people to tell you that you're nothing. They'll take their jabs, they'll tell you you cant! They'll even try to sabotage you. Let those slings and arrows be your fuel. Let them be exactly what they are. A good reference that you're doing something right! If you're a threat, either real or imagined you'll see and feel it. The greatest trick of all is truly being a threat and they think you're not. Thats some Sun Tzu shit right there! And the greatest gift of underestimation there is.

Whatever the reasons someone underestimates you, see it for what it is. No matter their reasons! That shouldn't concern you. Being unabashedly you is what piqued their interest in you in the first place. Underestimation is a gift. It's fuel, it's motivation, and it's a lot of other things you have no control over that have to do with their view of you.

Find those who believe in you! Who see your potential and stoke that fire! And in the mean time, swing for the fences, tilt at windmills, and believe in yourself. I can tell you without a doubt that no one will if you don't first believe in you. However thats the conundrum right there. Believing in yourself makes some uncomfortable. And that's where the underestimation starts!

To keep being yourself, to continue to hold to your values, your ideals, your principles, that is the very best revenge. To strive no matter the detractors, that's the real power move. Don't be cocky, don't be the I'm the shit guy. Simply be the one with confidence, humility, and grace. Admit when you're wrong, apologize and simply drive on. An alpha dog never has to tell the rest of the pack. It's all in the way he carries himself. And as one very insightful NCO once told me many years ago, an empty can makes a lot noise.